He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
