I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
