Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His nipple licking is glorious
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