Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
