If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize