I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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