Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
