I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
