guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
