I heard we made out
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
