Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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