I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
