fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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