I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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