was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
