If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
