and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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