I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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