Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
