Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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