Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
