i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
