He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
