Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
