I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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