gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
