he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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