i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
