you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
