He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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