just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Houston, we have a squirter
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
