He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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