so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
