So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize