Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
