i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
