One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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