i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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