you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
