We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
