I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
