is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
