I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
