This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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