i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
