can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
