What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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