we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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