And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
two words...techno handjob
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
