You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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