Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize