i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
