so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
