pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
