True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
