I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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