she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
