omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
