I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Say something about gay babies.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
