The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
