She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
