yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm too high and old for this...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
