I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it hurts more in the daytime
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
