how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up