Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"