I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.