He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag