so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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