Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish

(248): View more from Michigan

Experience is the best teacher

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(713): View more from Texas

She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"

(401): View more from Rhode Island

So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(714): View more from California

Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros

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(562): View more from California

he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him

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(773): View more from Illinois

oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots

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