the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday