You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots