I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
