I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
