Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's rum buckets o'clock
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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