when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how drunk are you?
Several
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
