Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
